Empathy is a skill
Three ways to practice empathy in real conversations
One question I hear often lately is: “What skill should I invest in that will stay useful in the future?”
As collaboration with machines increases, the human element of collaboration becomes even more important.
One skill that stands out in collaboration with people is empathy.
In teams, everyone comes with their own set of values. When you take the time to understand the unique qualities of each team member, you build trust. When you understand what drives a person, you can communicate in ways that resonate with them — leading to stronger motivation and better outcomes.
When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, “Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me.”
— Carl R. Rogers, “A Way of Being”
And it’s exactly like that in teams, too. When you give team members the sense you’ve heard them, it’ll show in results.
Empathy is one of my strong suits. I naturally tune in and sense what’s beneath the surface. But even so, it isn’t simply a born in trait — it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can practiced, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
Here are three things I do to become a more empathetic person:
Active listening
First create space for listening. A good way to try this is through a structured setup: agree with a friend that one of you will just listen for five minutes — saying nothing. Be as mindful as possible. Notice automatic reactions like nodding or saying “mm” or “mhm,” and minimize them.
Here are two prompts to get started:
What did you feel like during the past week?
What needs are being fulfilled in your life right now — and which ones aren’t?
After five minutes, switch roles. You’ll be surprised how much you learn — and how powerful it feels to simply be listened to.
If you want to practice in a natural context instead, just assume the role of a listener next time you’re in a conversation. Give the other person more space to talk. Allow longer silences. Focus entirely on what they’re saying, instead of thinking about what to say next.
Mirroring
Once you’ve truly listened, reflect back what you heard. Coaches and therapists often use reflective mirroring to help people hear themselves more clearly. Mirroring is when you repeat the last few words someone said. You may also go deeper and try reflective mirroring where you not only repeat, but also reflect back the emotions.
For the beginning, just mirroring is enough. Simply repeat the last few words you heard. Here’s an example.
Speaker: My work brings me a sense of stability, but I’m not challenged enough.
Listener: You’re not challenged enough?
…
Reflective mirroring, where you assume how the speaker feels. If you’re wrong, they’ll correct you.
Speaker: My boss is ignoring my ideas.
Listener: Your ideas are being ignored by your boss and it sounds like this makes you frustrated?
When I first tried mirroring in a customer interview, I worried it would feel robotic. “Am I just supposed to repeat it? Wouldn’t it sound strange?”. It wasn’t. In fact, the more I practiced mirroring, the more I saw how it helped people expand on their story.
3. Hold, don’t solve
After listening and reflecting, what you do next matters most. Even if you get the first two parts right, jumping to actions too soon can break the sense of empathy.
After listening for a while, try asking:
What do you need most from me right now — to talk more, to brainstorm solutions together, or just to let it be?
This helps the person feel not only heard, but also in control of what comes next.
Practicing empathy is simple in theory — and surprisingly hard in real life. These techniques ask for presence, patience, and restraint. What’s one upcoming conversation where you could apply this? Try it — even once — and notice what shifts.
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